Life with the Lesiws

kicking this Blog to the curb ...

2011-10-25T16:20:00.000-07:00

well ... obviously I haven't been blogging as much.

truth be told, I've been busy.

Also ... I get bored with stuff ... and so I decided to switch things up.

Granted, this took me WAY longer than I thought it would to get started,

but my NEW BLOG is ready to go.

I finally upgraded my camera too ... so I'm hoping the new blog will

encourage me to take more photos and document life more

(because I have been seriously lacking in that department)

So if you want to check out the new one

CLICK HERE

and if you aren't on my blog roll for some reason,

please let me know! I'd love to add you - as I love reading adoption blogs

(or any blogs for that matter)

I'll be leaving this blog up for a while, and then I'll probably make it private.

so if you can't access it after a while, it's nothing personal.

anyway, hope to see you over at the new blog!

what we've been up to

2011-09-26T00:15:00.000-07:00

Yet again, I've failed to update the blog in quite some time.

I know we've been busy, but at the same time, I can't remember

what we've doing. Maybe that's a good thing?

But one thing I DO remember is that we celebrated Charlie's birthday!

He's TWO now. Can you believe it?!?!

getting smiling photos of Charlie is nearly impossible.

so I had to settle for some action shots instead.

but ... I figured out if I had him and Claire 'race' while having

Bob stand behind me while making silly faces and waving his arms ...

we could get Charlie to smile.

and this was one of my favorite shots.

Charlie has done so incredibly well.

We just had an appointment with our Pediatric GI Specialist

and she still is amazed at how well he is doing.

Attachment is also going well for all of us.

Charlie is super secure and even his big sis has totally adjusted.

(meaning, she doesn't talk about sending him back anymore)

But I'm proud of my girl. She, too, is growing up.

and she's loving that she has a little buddy to play with

and you know what? I think Chuckster likes it too.

my handsome boy

2011-08-11T00:22:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that Charlie is turning 2 next month.

for reals.

how did so much time pass by?

today we met up with one of my girlfriend's who has a 13 month old son

it was amazing to me how little he was.

Charlie was about a week shy of turning 13 months when he came home.

I don't remember him being that little ...

... but in all actuality, Charlie was even littler.

and now here we are, almost 10 months later

and he's grown, and flourished, and is doing fabulously well.

I love my handsome boy so much

and I'm so thankful that he's a part of our family.

well HELLO THERE!

2011-08-05T21:10:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that 2 months have passed since I last posted.

well ... maybe I can.

just like everyone else, life has been busy in our household.

and now I can hardly believe that Summer is quickly

coming to a close.

but I sooooo love Fall

(so I can't say I'm all that disappointed)

Charlie has been home with us for about 10 months now

and life seems so normal with him

that it's kinda hard to remember what it was like without him.

our happy guy gives us many laughs

and our sweet girl is starting to embrace being a big sister

the two are are becoming buds ... who (dare I say it) enjoy

playing together

Charlie loves saying 'hi' and 'bye' to EVERYONE

now if I could just get them to both look at me and smile

at the same time, life would be golden!

so that's the super boring recap of our lives.

(obviously you didn't miss much in the past 60 days)

a MUST see

2011-06-05T22:36:00.000-07:00

I found this youtube video

when I was checking out another blog

this is a clip from 'Korea's Got Talent'

this boy's story is incredible.

and of course I bawled through it.

so watch it

(there are subtitles)

and then pray that more EPs will be granted

for International adoption.

I wish I could be this boy's Mom.

for reals.

Seriously?

2011-05-31T00:31:00.000-07:00

I've been locked out of this blog for a few weeks now.

literally.

Like it wouldn't let me log out of my other email address

so I couldn't get onto my blog.

but magically tonight,

it let me on.

and all the things I thought I needed to blog about,

I kinda can't remember what they were.

So I'll just leave you with this:

this cute guy is officially a Lesiw now.

his finalization happened a couple of weeks ago.

he wasn't super thrilled with having to wait for the judge

(who was running about 40 minutes late)

but sometimes life is just like that.

We learn to do things that we may not totally enjoy

but they make us a better person.

{like how I'm trying to teach Charlie to do 'jazz hands' on command}

so far it isn't happening, but it will... oh yes... it most certainly will.

Children's Day

2011-05-05T23:55:00.000-07:00

in Korea there is a National Holiday knows as

Children's Day

everyone gets the day off, amusement parks are packed

and families are all just hanging out with each other.

So we decided to start our own family tradition.

Of course this means I need a photo:

and of course it looks like we're off to a rough start

but the day did get progressively better as we made our way

across town and to our favorite Korean Restaurant.

me & the Chuckster

(I actually thought he was smiling in this photo. I literally

just saw that he's not. Oh well. He WAS smiling though. I promise)

Daddy & Claire

(all smiles. all the time)

banchan. my favorite.

bulgogi hot pot. my new favorite thing ever.

after lunch we came home and Charlie took a nap before

Claire's taekwondo class. Claire got to play on the ipad with Dad,

and Mom got to play on Facebook.

(everybody wins)

after taekwondo, we head over to the mall.

Appa and Chuck go to the Apple Store,

while Momma and Claire head to Sephora.

(and just so you know, Claire actually likes to watch

make-up tutorials on YouTube. I don't know how she finds

them, but she does. And she will literally sit through them)

so for a Children's Day treat ... Claire got a make-up application.

she got to walk around and look at products

and once the perfect shades were picked out ...

... the magic started

she absolutely enjoyed every minute of it

and was super happy with the results

oh my sweet girl

I am so happy that you are my daughter

I love that you sing songs all the time

and you have your two imaginary friends:

(Molly - an older sister & Kate - her friend)

I love your friendly spirit

and how proud you are to introduce your brother to people

I love how you're becoming more adventurous

and how you're so excited to go to pre-school

and I love just about every little thing about you.

You are that incredible. You really are.

and my crazy, crazy Chuckster

you have become such a Butter Ball

and you are a MONSTER eater

I love how much you love your Appa

(even though it means you like me less... way less)

and even though you chewed up a french fry the other day

and then took it out of your mouth and threw it at me for no reason

I still love you and your crazy antics

I love how much you're laughing

and how you like to 'dance' really fast by running in place

I love how you say 'hi' to everyone

and 'bye' to every car that passes by

and when you smile your super genuine smile

it makes me SO incredibly happy

so much so, that I usually burst out laughing

You are that fantastic. You really are.

so to my children:

I love you.

I love so, SO much.

and I am so incredibly thankful

that God allowed me to be your Mom.

What do you get ...

2011-04-30T22:52:00.000-07:00

... when you take this little girl

and put her in the same room with her Dad

while he watches some type of sporting show?

a total waste of Barbie band-aids.

(good thing they're cheap)

I have to say - it did make me a bit nervous

when we were out as I didn't want people to think

she had some huge gaping wound underneath it all.

but it was fun for a day

as we for sure had bath time that night.

Seriously ... it was the best I could get

2011-04-27T00:14:00.000-07:00

hope everyone had a

HAPPY EASTER!

Costume Parties = Super Fun Times

2011-04-16T23:06:00.000-07:00

This morning we had a Super Hero birthday party to go to.

I was trying to come up with the kids' costumes

and then it hit me.

The Inspiration:

The Wonder Twins

(anyone remember them on TV?)

I had one kiddo who was super into it

(thank goodness!)

and one who wasn't too sure about it

but even if it wasn't his favorite costume ever -

it pretty much was mine!

ahhh yes ... I love this age.

and mostly because I can still make them wear things

that make me laugh super hard.

tiny bubbles

2011-04-12T22:45:00.000-07:00

so it was about time to whip out the ol' bubbles again.

this guy (with the runny nose) was super happy about it

I have to say, I forgot how messy bubbles are.

I kinda hate getting all sticky.

But I suppose it's worth it for the sake of those we love.

Charlie had fun trying to 'catch' the bubbles

and even tried to blow some himself.

and he tried again ...

after his many tries ... I think he started to wonder what was up.

but luckily - he had his Noona near by.

who showed him how ...

and guess what?!

HE DID IT!!!

Thanks Noona for your help!

(and tomorrow ... I hear you have a pretty special day!)

I can't wait!!!

fun in the sun

2011-04-04T23:24:00.000-07:00

after all the rain we had, I think it's safe to say that everyone

was looking forward to some days of sun.

I think the best part is that now we're able to go out and play

after dinner and before bedtime.

so as the sun begins to get ready to sleep,

we hit the road for one last journey.

and practice all sorts of super fun tricks

and hand out a few more smiles

with glowing crowns sitting on our heads

this little guy never wants to stop

and this sweet girl likes to pick me bouquets

so thank goodness there's always tomorrow.

(well ... as long as there's no rain)

and on a totally random note ...

I took this picture of Charlie while he was eating bread.
He loves bread. And he was in a silly mood.

Which resulted in a photo that makes me laugh super hard.

So enjoy a bit of Chuck:

tae kwon do

2011-04-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

so we enrolled Claire in tae kwon do

her 'Tiny Tiger' class meets twice a week

and ohhhhhh are they so cute!

she's learning so many new skills

and having fun while she does

but Charles ... he got bored watching ...

(he'd rather be out there, but he's still too young)

so we went for a short walk

but back inside, something super cool happened

Claire won the 'gold medal' which is given to only 1-2 kids

each class. You win the metal for following directions

and doing a good job. Considering this was her second class

we were VERY proud of her!

(after the medal/s are awarded, all the kids give 'high-fives')

Claire was pretty excited

this is Lily. Her Mom told me that she has really wanted

to win the gold medal. So it was so fun

that the girls got it together!

Claire has been wearing the medal at home

but we'll be bringing it back to the next class so

it can be awarded again.

WAY TO GO CLAIRE!

WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU!

Where did March go?

2011-03-28T01:15:00.000-07:00

I guess the month passes quickly when you're insanely busy.

I just finished a big order that was taking up a lot of my time

and even though it's 1am and I'm pretty sure I lost all feeling on the tip of my thumb

and right index finger, I'm super stoked to be done.

I'm sure I'll be catching up on missed blog opportunities

(like Charlie turning 18 months)

but I thought I'd post a few photos from today's photo shoot.

and I just have to mention that it is INCREDIBLY difficult

to take photos of my kids.

Today was the first day of sun in quite some time, and I was banking

on the fact that weather.com wasn't lying about it as I had

to get some product shots done for this order.

I took over 500 pictures and scored a mere handful

(as in a toddler sized handful. waste of time, I tell you!)

but here are a few that made me smile - for various reasons.

My sweet boy. He's looking so old.

(and his pants are looking so short)

This is how the shoot mostly went.

pretty soon she'll realize that he's stronger than she is.

but right now she still thinks it's funny.

bad product shot. but I still love this for some reason.

I was having the kids walk towards me and then I'd yell, 'STOP'

which I quickly learned would result in very un-natural poses.

they're just running around - but I LOVE how this caputred

them having fun TOGETHER.

what cracks me up about this photo, is that Charlie is cracking up over

something random ... and in a different direction ...

what you see:

a cute photo of the kiddos

what I see:

Stop sign coming out of Charlie's head w/ the street sign attached

random bruises on Claire's legs

Bloom is positioned on the 'wrong' side of her head

or Claire needs to be standing on the other side of Charlie

and looking in the opposite direction

Charlie's pants are still too short

but regardless, I like looking at these photos.

and maybe I'll get a few more, as the Sun should be shining for the next week!

Guess Who's Smiling For The Camera?!

2011-03-01T23:53:00.000-08:00

well, well, well

look who is giving out free smiles

the other morning Charlie was in a super good mood

and when I pulled out the camera, it didn't phase him in the slightest

which made me super happy that I got to catch some smiles on film

(or memory card ... or whatever)

maybe it was because he was wearing his Korean Jammies.

(it's crazy to think he was wearing those bad boys underneath

his Heineken jeans when I first met him!)

She's Growing Up

2011-02-24T00:59:00.000-08:00

After Charlie got up from his nap, and before we had dinner,

I took the kids outside to get some fresh air.

I pushed Charlie in his little car/bike/thingy

and Claire rode on her 'tooter scooter'

(which is a term coined from 'Wow Wow Wubbzy')

I watched her as she rode along and it just struck me how old she's getting.

She's turning 4 soon and all signs of a baby have disappeared.

I know I'm not supposed to get sentimental until her actual birthday

but my little pookey baby is no long a baby.

... sigh ...

she really is becoming a Big Girl.

don't get me wrong - I love it

but I also miss this

(although, the fact that she's potty trained now is a pretty sweet deal)

Check it out!

2011-02-22T23:09:00.000-08:00

My girlfriend who traveled to Korea with me

is getting ready to travel again...

... but this time to go meet her son!

(she'll now be a mom of two super cute Korean kiddos)

as part of her fundraising efforts

she's selling these super cool T-shirts

they come in many sizes

(from child - adult)

and some super cute colors.

If you'd like to snag one of these for yourself

then click

HERE

pre-orders end on Monday!

Wordless Wednesday {A Super Awesome Gift}

2011-02-09T10:24:00.001-08:00

Compare and Contrast

2011-02-07T00:31:00.000-08:00

I designated February as being my 'get organized' month.

My first project was to switch the playroom with my office.

I'm technically moving into a smaller space,

but it's waaaaaay more practical for me.

but the thing with starting these kinds of projects

is that I tend to get burned out quickly...

... so I start a smaller, more doable task ...

like sorting the kids clothes.

I started in Charlie's room and began pulling out the stuff

that was either 'not in season' right now, or too small.

I smiled to myself as I looked through the shirts and

one-piece outfits that I had so much fun buying before he came home.

and of course I came across my favorite.

it's this little cotton one-piece that has brown & blue owls on it.

it was the first outfit I put Charlie in when I got him in Korea.

so I thought I'd take photo of him in it now, and compare the two.

I have say,

even though I planned on doing a post comparing

the Charlie I met almost 4 months ago

to the Charlie who I now know as my son,

I had no idea how much it would effect me.

as I was getting the photos ready to load

I actually got choked up.

{and if I'm being honest - I still am}

the ~~Charlie~~ Min-hyeok-ah

that I brought back to the hotel with me on Oct 12th, 2010

was such a quiet little soul.

I was so nervous about what I was doing,

how I was feeling, trying to get to know him,

not wanting to scare him...

that I wonder if I ever really saw him...

He looks so incredibly different to me

that I feel like I kinda don't even recognize him.

and I think he doesn't look well - like he still wasn't healthy.

my sweet little boy - you must have been so scared.

did I comfort you enough?

did you know that I loved you?

that I would keep you safe?

that I would take care of you forever?

did you know that you would get stronger?

that you would love to eat?

and you would gain all sorts of weight?

and surprise your doctors?

and make your Omma so proud of you?

did you know that you would have an Appa that you adore?

and a Noona who you love to dance with?

and that it would take you over 3 months before you would

lay your head on my shoulder because you wanted to

and not because you were tired?

and did you know that as you slowly revealed your personality

to us we would love you even more than we already did?

that you would make us laugh at your silly faces?

or when you 'bow' when we say kamsamnida (thank you)?

because you - my son - are such a delight.

you make me so happy that I get to be your Mom.

... even though you're calling me Omma less and less ...

{and it kinda makes me sad}

So I promise you this...

I will always be the Wind Beneath Your Wings.

I'm kidding.

I mean, of course I'll always be supportive, love you, yada yada yada,

but this was getting a bit too sentimental for me.

but you certainly are a cute one, my Charles.

and I am keeping you forever.

Kinda Brilliant... but kinda NOT

2011-02-04T00:19:00.000-08:00

so I took the kids to gymnastics

and then had two errands I HAD to get done.

gymnastics starts at 11am and gets done around noon.

then I had to go to a friends house that was a good 20 minutes away.

then I had to go to the beauty supply that was a good 20 minutes in another direction.

and then I had to drive 15 minutes to get home

so I could feed the kids lunch before Charlie goes down for a nap.

and if Charlie falls asleep in the car...

... well, then it'll be a BIG problem for nap time.

Charlie did great until we left my friend's house.

he was hungry - and started throwing a fit.

so what is a Mom to do?

well ... I saw these:

and these

(as they were still in the car - unopened - from our park trip)

I figured that at the next 'red light' I could reach back and give him some.

but as luck would have it - I wasn't hitting red lights.

Charlie started crying and screaming even louder

and of course Claire starts chiming in with how she wants

something to eat too ...

so I did the only logical thing I could think of.

I started throwing food at them.

I'm not even kidding. I'm 5'4" and my wing span seems a bit stunted

so it's super hard for me to reach behind me and reach Claire's hands.

same goes for trying to reach Charlie.

so handfuls of snacks flew behind me

as I hoped the majority of them were landing on the kids ...

... or at least close enough for them to eat.

so over-all I accomplished my goal.

Charlie stayed awake, the crying stopped, and they got some snacks.

... but now I have to clean the car ...

Good Times

2011-01-30T23:23:00.000-08:00

Today we went to a park for a bit.

The weather wasn't that great as it's been kind of raining on and off

but the kids had a pretty good time.

Charlie got to run around and burn off some steam.

They checked out a couple of ducks that were sitting around.

Got in a quick game of 'peek-a-boo'

and of course we had to get in some of Charlie's favorite thing ...

... the slide.

this girl had some fun too

but I think the swings were her favorite

Of course the kids fell asleep on the way home which resulted

in a super short nap time which equals a horrendous evening.

but somehow the kids managed to find some forms of entertainment

... aaaaaaand we're still working on being more gentle with each other ...

The Chuckster

2011-01-25T00:12:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, Charlie turned 16 months.

It's so crazy to think that he's that old already!

yes ... the focus is all off, but I love this photo.

He looks like such a little Chuckster

(which is what we've been calling him lately)

tonight we went to The Fountains again and let the kiddos

run around and get some energy out.

Since Bob is on Jury Duty for the month,

we're all a bit spoiled with so much 'Daddy time'.

and I have to say - the little Chuckster

is soooooooo in love with his Appa.

It's super fun to see him squeal, wave his arms frantically,

then run to the door when Bob gets home.

you know what else Charlie loves?

FRENCH FRIES

(and pretty any much anything that's edible)

Feel Like Having a Good Cry?

2011-01-17T18:20:00.000-08:00

Dude.

I'm not sure if I'm 'allowed' to embed this on my blog

but I guess if I can't someone will let me know.

This YouTube video has been floating around FB

and so of course I clicked on it to watch.

Let's just say that I bawled.

I think every Adoptive Parent should watch this.

and I hope every Adoptee watches it too.

Our Pororo

2011-01-14T17:41:00.000-08:00

We got this Pororo hat as a gift

and I've been meaning to get some shots of Charlie in it

it's a little bit big

but I think he still looks pretty darn cute in it

the other day we also had our first follow-up appointment

with the Pediatric GI Specialist.

both of the kiddos go in every 8 weeks

for weight checks.

Claire has gained 1 ounce shy of a pound

{that is HUGE for us}

She's now weighing in at 24 lbs 11 ounces

Charlie is now 21 lbs 7 ounces

... pretty sure he'll be passing her up soon ...

his height to weight ratio is 50%

{awesomeness}

Our doctor thought that both of the kiddos

were looking really good.

That made for a super good day.

And then on top of that, our Social Worker

came by for our second Post Placement visit.

{hard to believe that it's been 3 months already}

She thought that Charlie was doing really well

and was surprised at how secure he seemed

and made the comment that he acts

like he's always been here.

Wonderific that's Terrific!

Of course all the credit for that simply goes straight to Charlie.

His personality lends himself to being a

'go with the flow' type of kid.

I actually wonder if it has something to do with the fact

that he was in the hospital so much. Like maybe he was kinda

used to meeting new people all the time so it's not that

big of a deal to him anymore.

Maybe when he starts talking I can ask him.

So here's what happens when you give Charlie rice

but forget to put a bib on him.

Good thing he's washable.

SO tired

2011-01-08T00:14:00.000-08:00

the other day during lunch I found Charlie like this

and no, I don't feed him veggie chips at breakfast

and yes, he's still in his jammies

it was just one of those days

I'm claiming this one for me!

2011-01-02T14:52:00.000-08:00

I've said before that I'm really looking forward to 2011.

For some reason I've just been really pumped thinking about it.

I have so many ~~resolutions~~ plans that I want to achieve this year

and I just feel this huge sense of motivation swelling within me.

(I know, kinda crazy - right?!)

I'm looking forward to re-opening my etsy shop and also my retail site

in the next few weeks. I've gotten some new fabric and I have already put

a few new Blooms together. It's feels good to be creative again.

Expanding my 'business' is on my list of 'plans' and I'm super excited about it.

I feel like I have a ton of ideas swirling around in my brain

so hopefully I'll be able to get them down on paper soon.

(and then executed - so they become a reality)

Another reality that I'm aiming for is healthy living.

Yet another thing I feel motivated about for the first time.

And not in some 'quick fix' sort of mentality

but more of a rest-of-my-life-lifestyle-change kind of mentality.

You know what else I'm looking forward to?

my family.

I have to say, it is sooo nice that Charlie is home.

His transition and adjustment has continued to come along nicely.

And not just his adjustment, but mine as well.

I'll be honest - in the beginning there were definitely days where

he just wasn't my favorite. And I really needed a break from him.

As soon as Bob would come home I'd just pass Charlie off and say,

'He's all yours now. I'm done.'

But I don't feel like that anymore.

Sure - there are still days that can be a bit rough

(especially since he currently has like four molars coming in all at once)

but now it's enjoyable - and it just feels different.

it feels really good.

So I can't wait to experience this new year as a unit.

A family unit - with all of us together.

So yes - I have all these wonderful hopes and plans for 2011

and to top it off - I just realized that it's

The Year of the Rabbit

(which is what I am)

So I'm thinking that year is most definitely mine to be had.

And I'm claiming it. Just for me.

(and actually anyone else who's a rabbit too)

2011 - I look forward to spending the year together.

Let's make it a ~~good~~ ~~great~~ FANTABULOUS year!

Goodbye 2010 ... HELLO 2011!

2010-12-31T22:52:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated in what seems like forever

(even though it's only been like a week)

I was going through my photos so that I could do and update

and while they brought a smile to my face, they also made me tired.

Which is kinda how I feel about 2010.

It was a great year ...

Claire turned 3

she went to Disneyland to celebrate

we saw a picture of our son for the first time

I visited the land of my birth

and brought our son home to us forever

but now that the Holidays are over

it's like we finally get a little break and I just want to sit and relax.

The beginning of the New Year always feels like a new start

and I'm actually really looking forward to 2011.

I have a ton of things I want to accomplish

and I can't wait to get started.

but until the clock strikes Mid-Night

and the last float in the Rose Parade passes

I shall sit back, and fondly wave good-bye to 2010.

So here's to a FABULOUS 2011 from our family to yours!

Fun in Fairytale Town

2010-12-17T00:23:00.000-08:00

Fairytale Town is a super old play area made of concrete.

I used to go to this place when I was kid

and believe it or not, it's be around even longer than that.

So it was super fun to up with our friends there today

as we're looking to get a stretch of at least

eight rainy days starting tomorrow

(this is according to weather.com)

we started with Claire taking a closer look at some animals

sitting a huge blue bunny? kinda a dream come true

going down the rabbit hole is a must

Charlie was a bit upset

because all he wanted to do was push the stroller

I LOVE this girl. She was laughing and making faces for me

these little buddies checked each other out

and had a snack

but definitely had some fun

Claire wanted her and Charlie to sit in Cinderella's Coach

I think Charlie was less than thrilled

and he got out of there as soon as he could

Claire kinda missed her buddy, but recovered quickly

the best shot of the kids in the cheese that I could get

and Claire LOVED playing with Parker on the pirate ship

and I loved how many smiles I got from Charlie

my handsome boy just melts my heart

so hopefully all those warm fuzzy feelings will take

me through the next 8 days while we're land locked inside the house.

Wordless Wednesday - {No ... We Don't Have a Dog}

2010-12-15T00:22:00.000-08:00

Wordless Wednesday - {Gingerbread Woman}

2010-12-08T00:01:00.000-08:00

Seeing RED

2010-12-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

so I've never claimed to be Mom of the Year

and here's just another example as to why:

Meet 'RED'

He's our 'Elf on the Shelf'

So here's the deal. I started this thing late.

I think I pulled him out of the box on Dec 3rd

(even though I bought him in November)

I didn't read the book, I didn't read any instructions,

and instead I told Claire before she went to bed:

hey - so what do you want to name this Elf?

At night when you sleep he goes and tells Santa if you've

been good or not. So if you want Santa to bring you

a locket, you better be good so this guy

can give Santa a good report.

So she picked 'Red'.

(I guess that's what I get for waiting till the last minute)

and here's where Red has been sitting for the past THREE nights.

When Claire is not making good choices, I have been known to yell out:

Hey Red! Be sure to tell Santa tonight that Claire

is having a bad attitude and isn't sharing with her brother!

It makes her stop for a minute, but I haven't been convinced

that she totally believes it's real or not.

until this morning.

Last night before going to bed Bob asked if we should move him.

Which I responded with, 'um ... I guess so ...'

So we tried a few different places

but this elf is kinda stiff and he can't sit unassisted.

So we shoved him in the vase.

I made sure that he was facing out into the living room

where he could keep a steady eye on things.

when you think about it ... this guy is kind of creepy.

oh - and we got the 'dark' version

(which actually looks like a nice tan)

so I forgot about Red when I came downstairs this morning.

but this girl certainly didn't.

all of the sudden she started yelling

he moved! he moved!

Red moved!

why did he move Mom?!

so I cringed a bit inside since I obviously put no effort into explaining

how this Elf thing is supposed to work and then just nonchalantly replied with

of course he moved Claire - he leaves at night

to go give the report to Santa and this time he decided

to sit somewhere else where he can watch you.

If I didn't think she believed in him before, she certainly does now.

She kept telling Charlie how Red moved and how she just couldn't believe it.

I have to say, I think it's kind of fun that Claire believes in Santa.

In fact, this afternoon I was in the living room and she was in the kitchen

and I heard her yelling

hey Santa! Santa!

Can you bring me a locket already?

Santa, can you hear me?

so I guess I should probably explain

that this isn't how you talk to Santa.

or maybe she knows the real dealio with Santa

and was just trying to give me a heads up.

a FRIENDly visit

2010-12-06T00:01:00.000-08:00

I'm so lucky to have couple of 'adoption friends' that live relatively close to me.

so today we got to have a little visit from this little sweetie

Meet Miss Ashlyn

(and yes, I got permission from her Mom to post these)

this girl is SUCH a doll baby!

She was a bit shy at first, but quickly warmed up.

I have to say, she is INCREDIBLY smart

and so much fun to be around.

She's also exactly a month older than my Charles.

(but acts like she's at least 6 months older!)

Charlie did pretty well with the sharing

(but do you notice how he's eyeing her biter biscuit?)

they had fun climbing up and down the stairs

and sharing snacks

and after numerous tries (and two cameras later)

we finally got them to sit still long enough for this.

we are SO looking forward to our next play date as this was way too short of a visit.

I really do love the fact that Charlie will have other adoption friends as he grows up.

I never had that, and while I didn't feel like I missed out on anything when I was younger,

as a Mom, I really want that for my kids. And it's just an added bonus that the friends

we know, happen to be super cool. Yep, I'm going on record saying that.

and on a random note ...

I'm not sure if I already mentioned this or not,

but I feel like over the previous weekend,

Charlie really turned a corner. He just seems so much happier

and he's way more fun to be around.

I'm not even kidding. It wasn't like he was truly horrible or anything,

but there were days where he was really annoying

and would just get on my nerves (as harsh as that sounds)

but it was pretty obvious that the feelings were mutual, so I guess we're even.

When I first met Charlie in Korea, he used to always stick out his little tongue.

I have a ton of pictures of him doing that.

Well, when he came home, he stopped doing it.

In fact, a couple of weeks ago I kinda made a mental note of it

like ... hey - he doesn't do that anymore ...

but last weekend, he started doing it again.

So I take that as a sign that he's becoming more secure in his surroundings

and that he's trusting us more.

so with that, I'll leave you with a super out-of-focus photo.

I call it Charlie's 'Asian Smile' and he's been doing it a lot lately.

the most beautiful tree in the world

2010-12-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

it's starts with a little bit of pink and purple

(okay, so maybe a lot)

and add a sweet ~~little~~ big girl

who loves to decorate

it takes a lot of concentration to make the perfect tree

even if it ends up a little 'Charlie Brown-ish'

it brought a whole lotta excitement to her face

and entertainment to the little brother

which resulted in two-thumbs up from our little worker bee

and because it turned out so amazingly beautiful

we have decided that the only fitting place for it would be

in her room - as her new night light

which is totally fine by me

Chuck goes to Chuck's Place

2010-12-02T00:05:00.000-08:00

We had some free time this morning and Bob

was scheduled to 'close', so we decided to take the kids on an outing.

Once we got in the car we just drove,

we didn't say where our destination was.

I have to say, it was pretty cute when Claire figured it out

(which was when we drove up and parked)

and she was pretty excited to introduce her brother to

Chuck E. Cheese

first they rode a 'virtual roller-coaster'

(notice they're holding hands!)

and then they did some rocket type thingy

Claire tried to make Charlie 'look' at the camera

he rode the merry-go-round all by himself!

HORRIBLE PHOTO - but I LOVE Claire's expression

making friends with Bob the Builder

and checking out the school bus

they tried the slide together

and Charlie even tried it on his own

he may not look like it - but he really did like it

and there's no question that this girl absolutely loved it

so all in all, it was a fun little trip

and I'm sure we'll be coming back in the very near future.

Holiday Photo 'Runner-Ups'

2010-11-29T00:01:00.000-08:00

one of my girlfriends is a professional photographer.

I actually met her when we adopted Claire and she came to take her six months photos

(as she was a part of an 'adoption photography network')

and then we just ended up becoming friends.

she was also there when I arrived in San Francisco with Charlie.

(she's just super cool like that)

oh, and she has the most AMAZING food blog

you have to take a peek at it HERE

(seriously, the stuff on there makes me drool)

so I was super stoked when she was able to fit us in for our Christmas Photos

as she's semi-retired from portrait photography

since her blog is kind of a big deal

(my words, not hers - LOL)

anyway, she got me the files quicker than I can eat a dozen

Chocolate Caramel Pecan Thumbprints

(okay, so I haven't technically timed myself

or actually tasted these, but boy do I WANT TO!!!)

and I have to say, I was STOKED at the photos.

First, I hate photos of myself. I never take them. But with the hope of

becoming a 'good mom', I've been trying to take some of me with the kids

so that they know I actually existed when they were younger.

There were two family shots, and I'm using the best one for the card

and the other ... well, you'll see it in a bit.

ALL of the photos of the kids I loved. I really did. But there is one

that absolutely has my heart. For some reason to me, it just makes my heart melt.

so I'm saving that one for last.

So here's a taste of some of the ones that didn't make the cut for the card ...

... but I still thought were super cute.

and here's my favorite.

I actually just ordered stickers and I got it printed in an 8x10

... and yes, it's already in a frame, and I just LOVE it!

Whew ... are we in December yet?

2010-11-27T22:52:00.000-08:00

gosh... it seems like this past week or so has just been incredibly

BUSY

which I know isn't anything new to everyone else,

but for some reason I just feel extra tired this time.

(could be because I'm coming down with a cold or something)

I kinda can't remember what all we did, but I know we

seemed to be always on the go.

oh wait. I take that back. It rained a lot.

so we were home bound.

(yikes. I sound like I'm losing my mind)

I did get pictures of a couple of things.

First, I took the kids to the local

'Day Before Thanksgiving Parade'

I thought it started at 9:30 am

but it was actually 9:00 am

We were able to catch the end of it

(it wasn't all that exciting, but something we'll definitely do next year)

and here's what the kids thought

yeahhhh ... oh well.

Thanksgiving was super fun. We went up to my parents house

and because of a little storm that passed through a few days before,

there was still some snow left to play in!

Claire liked making snowballs and learned how to throw them

she had a great time watching her cousins sled

(she was a bit scared during her one and only trip down)

She tried making snow angels on the icy snow

and of course Mr. Charles decided to come check out the white stuff

he did a lot of looking

and then Bob gave him some snow

and he carried it around until we took it out of his hand.

It was kind of crazy how he didn't complain about his little hand getting cold.

and of course, he tried eating it.

(he still tries to eat everything)

I really enjoyed this Thanksgiving as it was just fun, relaxing, and delicious.

and of course I loved the Black Friday shopping as well.

Last year was my maiden voyage in Black Friday seas

and I have to say - I am SO addicted!

I think it's the thrill of the hunt. So far I have failed to make a game plan

(besides knowing what stores I'd like to check out)

and instead I kind of do a quick browsing type thing.

it's fun to see what goodies you happen to come across.

Oh - and now I'm sick.

Yeah ... I have some kind of cold or something like that.

I have one more day to get over it, and then I'll have to buck up.

so until then, I'm going to bed.

Baby It's Cold Outside

2010-11-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

okay, so it's not THAT cold out

but in our neck of the woods, it got COLD.

It was supposed to rain all weekend

(and for the next few days)

so when the sun decided to give us a break

from being holed up in the house

we jumped on it.

(or rather, we walked)

this kid will NOT smile at a camera.

(it's starting to really annoy me)

like ... he'll actually be laughing and then I'll pull out

the camera and the smiles instantly stop.

this is the closest to a smile I've gotten in a long time.

taking photos of two kiddos is next to impossible I'm finding.

they may not be smiling

but at least they're looking at the camera.

I kinda have to give myself a pat on the back.

when I got them up off of the ground, I noticed that their

backsides got really dirty.

and I didn't freak out.

I think this Momma is finally starting to loosen up.

awww yeahhhh

my little guy

2010-11-20T22:47:00.000-08:00

I was taking some photos of the kids the other day

and I passed over this one because the focus was all off.

but after taking a second look at it, I just kinda fell in love with it.

my little guy is walking like a big guy

kinda like the thinks he owns the world or something.

(here's a close up)

it's crazy to think that he's only been home for 5 weeks.

of course we're still adjusting, but things are definitely progressing.

it's funny - when I first got him I thought he was soooo laid back.

but actually, he's kinda not.

he's definitely a 'go with the flow' kind of kid,

but when he wants something (or doesn't want something) he will SO let you know!

and I'm also starting to get better at handling two kiddos.

In fact, I took them to buy some kimchee today

which was over an hour (round trip) in the car

and it was also raining.

there was no fighting, and even some sleeping

which makes life seem pretty good right now.

Hey Paparazzi - get that camera OUTTA MY FACE!

2010-11-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

the GOOD ATTITUDE princess

2010-11-18T00:32:00.000-08:00

Meet Rapunzel

in our house she is the bringer of 'good attitudes'

she comes complete with a blonde hair extension

(for her ... or for you ... take your pick)

we've been having some issues with attitudes in our home lately.

primarily with the eldest daughter.

so it was decided that Rapunzel could come join our family as long

as a certain 3 year old could act like a big girl.

(that includes no throwing fits and eating all of your food)

when Rapunzel made her entrance this evening

(thank goodness Daddy works close to a Target)

I had a little talk with Claire about the expectations

that came along with this particular princess.

(me)

Claire, you can sleep with Rapunzel tonight

only if you do NOT throw a fit when I tell you it's time to go to bed.

And you can't throw a fit when it's time to go potty

or brush your teeth.

And in the morning, I will put Rapuzel on the counter

and after you've finished eating all of your food, you can have her again.

And when it's lunch time, I will put her again on the counter

and when your food is all gone you can play with her.

Same goes for dinner. I will put Rapunzel on the counter

until you finish eating all of your food.

Do you understand?

(Claire)

Mom - that's enough talking about Rapunzel.

She can't even talk yet.

Um... okay?

Apparently to get Rapunzel to 'talk'

Claire would tap her on the chest and yell

hey Rapunzel!

RAPUNZEL!

Can you hear me?

HUH?

Can you hear me?

Somehow that must have awakened Rapunzel's vocal chords

because after that she couldn't stop talking.

Here she is talking to 'Molly'.

(Claire is currently obsessed with Molly - who is from the movie 'Annie')

tonight, bedtime was super easy.

no fits. no fuss.

let's hope this princess can deliver the goods tomorrow.

Just a little FYI...

2010-11-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

so what does

this

and this

have in common?

all the shoes are from here!

I happened to be checking out some of my favorite websites

to see if there was anything good going on,

and stumbled across this sale.

super great prices.

like ... I got Charlie some shoes for $16!

anyway, I thought it was too good of a deal to keep to myself.

and no, I'm not sponsored by them to be telling you this.

but OH how I wish I was.

here's the link the their site:

http://www.seekairun.com

An Enchanting Afternoon

2010-11-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

there is an old park not too far from where I live.

it's super basic.

... a covered picnic area ...

... a small play structure for toddlers ...

... a large play structure for the bigger kids ...

... and some soccer fields ...

the other day we decided to head over there

and we took the kiddos

(and my parents)

and it was discovered that if you took the path that outlined

the soccer fields and curved off into the trees

it would bring you down to this little spot

there was something about how the soft beams of sunlight made everything glow

that took me back to a time where I wished that a little spot,

just like this one, had existed for me to explore.

to have a stream (preferably in your own backyard) was my fantasy.

I often thought of magical adventures that involved me having long flowing hair

while wearing a soft billowing dress that always seemed to flutter in the breeze.

and of course there would be some handsome boy

who would come to rescue me from who knows what

(but rest assured, there was always a boy. apparently I was boy crazy)

there was this tall tree that looked a million years old

and I had a fleeting thought to tell Claire

that He was the keeper of all the secrets.

He knew where the fairies hid and which animals could speak to you.

He knew that if you took an ordinary stick ...

... it could become a shiny sharp sword ...

... or a magical wand ...

... to help you find a buried treasure ...

... or read the secret message hidden between the grains of sand ...

but instead, I said nothing.

and I just watched her play and explore her new spot.

I have a feeling that we'll be making many trips here.

and when we do, the stories will be different.

as they will be her's to tell

and I will be the one who gets listen.

because sadly this girl has forgotten how to get to the enchanted kingdom.

instead she sees the mud that will get the car dirty

... the horse manure that she almost stepped in - and made her shudder ...

... the sand that is undoubtably in her children's shoes ...

... and the realization that snakes and tics could be in the vicinity ...

but maybe on one afternoon

when they go back to do some exploring

the sun will drop soft beams of light

that will seem to make everything glow

and once again she'll get lost in a magical land

with a little maiden and a little prince

and it will last for more than a moment.

getting a bit personal

2010-11-15T00:01:00.000-08:00

Something happened Friday night

that contributed to me having an 'ah ha' moment.

it's totally non-adoption related

and I guess you could say it involves me dealing with my inner demons.

I decided to start a new blog that will focus on

my new goals and the long process it will take to achieve them.

(so I can keep the focus on this blog separate from that one)

I really debated about whether or not I should go 'public' with my new blog

but ended up deciding that it would be the best way for

me to have some accountability.

You don't have to read it.

Really! I'm totally serious.

In fact, it might be boring to some of you.

but then again, some of you might find in interesting.

or maybe encouraging.

All I know, is that I need a form of accountability.

And the thought that maybe someone other than myself

(and my mom) is reading it, gives me a 'healthy fear'

to not give up.

at least that's what I'm hoping.

so feel free to check it out

you can even comment on it if you want to.

but be gentle, my skin isn't that thick.

here's the link to the new blog

Super Junior

2010-11-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

I have a thing for Boy Bands.

*NSYNC and Backstreet are still on my ipod.

and then I was introduced to kpop...

and of course that turned into a new addiction for me as well.

so do you realize how thrilling it was for me when I discovered

super junior

um... yeah. It's was seriously an awesome moment in my life.

Should I be embarrassed to admit that every day

me and the kiddos watch kpop videos on youtube?

Claire and Charlie love to dance to them

and I love watching the videos... er.. I mean, the kids.

I think I justify it by telling myself that Charlie loves hearing them sing in Korean.

so here are two of my favorite videos by Super Junior.

I know which one is my favorite

do you?

and yes, that was a trick question

as I love them both.

I'll have to video Claire & Charlie dancing to

'Girls Generation' next.

They both go crazy when they come on.

Beep Beep

2010-11-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

we got a new car the other day.

it's for Charlie

he actually really likes it

and figured out how the horn worked pretty quickly

I swear the kid actually smiles

(I just can't catch it on film very often)

'racing' is the new favorite past time

they never get tired of it

it's so super exciting

and something they can do together

and really enjoy

thank goodness it has a handle ... it makes steering so much easier.

**********

oh, and something really special happened today.

Charlie came to me.

I wasn't holding anything that he would want.

And he just walked straight up to me and lifted his

arms for me to lift him up.

... and I held him and I hugged him ...

and then he was off again to explore.

I must admit, my heart started beating faster.

I've been talking to Bob about how Charlie won't just come

to me, and while I know he hasn't been home all that

long, I was beginning to wonder if maybe I wasn't doing enough

or maybe there was something I was doing wrong.

So to see him smile, and just come walking quickly towards me,

made me ohhh so happy and I felt a twinge of relief.

I'm not saying that the attachment process is done and now we can just

live happily ever after, but I'm saying that things are going in the right direction.

later in the evening he came up to me a bunch more times.

I kept saying to Bob,

'You saw that right? He came just came up to me!'

We were watching kpop videos and the kids were dancing.

So periodically Charlie would just walk over for me to pick him up

and he'd just want to sit next to me.

He'd look up at me and laugh and wave his arms while he danced

and then after a short bit he'd get down and walk around some more.

It just feels good to be at this point.

To feel like you're seeing some progress and not just thinking you are.

Now if we could just get the kids to share, I'd really be flying high!

Wordless Wednesday - {Fall Leaves}

2010-11-10T00:01:00.000-08:00

Our Foster Mom is Not a Liar

2010-11-08T00:01:00.000-08:00

she said that he hated to get his hair cut.

it was cut twice before I got him

and each time was at the salon.

considering that it was already growing out

I thought it actually looked pretty good.

but then it started getting close to his eyes

so I knew he needed a trim.

I figured I could just do it super fast

right after he got out of the bathtub.

I wrapped him in a towel

and sat him on the counter in the bathroom.

Bob held him ...

... and I totally jacked up his hair.

the sides are a mess and still too long

a tuft of hair on the back of his head sticks straight out since I cut it too short

so I quit while I was ahead

and now for some reason when I look at him I get the urge to watch

'Dumb and Dumber'

{sorry Charlie, I guess next time we'll go to the salon}

this is AWESOME

2010-11-06T01:29:00.000-07:00

so I took the kids to our favorite hangout

(Target)

to pick up a few things that we need, and few things that we don't.

one of the things that I really needed was some big bins to store stuff in.

as I was driving over there I was trying to come up with my 'game plan' for how

I was going to make it work. Normally Claire likes to sit in the 'basket part'

(which I technically think they advise against)

but since I have to get big bins, she can't sit there.

so that left the 'front part', but if Charlie freaks out about being in the carrier

(which he did last time)

then I'll have to put him there... and Claire will have to walk

which I just know she'll rebel against since she doesn't have a choice otherwise.

while I pulled into my parking spot, across the way from me

I saw the solution to all my problems

(or at least my current one)

I quickly parked the car and ran over to grab it before anyone else could

(which thinking back, I don't think I had any competition)

I got the kids buckled in and hoped for the best

(that there not be any screaming or fighting)

seriously - CHECK THIS THING OUT!

It's like the Suburban of shopping carts!

I think you need a special license to steer it because it was super hard.

(for some reason I just laugh really hard when I look at the kids in this photo)

this was taken inside the store from the opposite end of the cart

(and with my cell phone - so sorry about the quality)

it looks like they're angry, but they actually had a really good time.

so maybe this cart isn't a big deal to you - but it is to me.

I've never seen one like this and was sooooo handy to pick up bins

and the other random things that we found.

Claire kept telling people,

'My mom said this cart is hilarious - and she called it a monster'

which is true.

I find this monster cart to be super duper hilarious.

Feeling MUCH better

2010-11-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

Thank you for all your feedback.

It totally calmed me down and let me step back from the edge of the cliff.

I was able to talk to a

'super-fabulous-completely-awesome-wish-she-was-my-neighbor-or-even-

my-sister-but-who-knows-maybe-she-is-since-she-was-adopted-too-

from-Korea-when-she-was-a-baby-social-worker-friend'

who gave me some GREAT suggestions for attachment parenting.

And in case you're wondering what those are:

spend time rocking Charlie through out the day

(just him and me, and having fun interactions)

go for walks while 'wearing' him

(preferably in the 'front', but if not - then the 'back')

make sure I'M holding the bottle during feedings

(to show that I am providing his needs for him)

and continue purposefully making eye contact

(can even be done in the mirror)

All of these things I've done (except for the rocking), but if I'm being honest, I wasn't

doing them on a consistent basis. So it's super great to have a 'list' that

I can mentally check off through out the day.

I also worked on giving Claire 'jobs' to 'help' me with Charlie

and I think that helped as well. It wasn't a perfect day by any means, but it

was definitely a step in the right direction - and for that, I am thankful.

So here's my next question for you all:

Charlie LOVES to feed himself.

He doesn't want to eat off of a spoon. If I feed him something off of a spoon,

he'll spit it into his hands, and then push it back into his mouth.

(I know, super gross)

I'm also a worry wart about choking. I'm a super cautious person

that almost puts me in the category of 'freaks out over everything' - key word: almost

So what are your favorite 'finger foods' that I can feed to my dear little Charles?

right now he eats:

cheerios

bananas

avocados

dole fruit cups

rice

pasta

gerber baby raviolis

puffs

juk

(but he's losing interest in that one)

squash babyfood/soup with rice cereal

(losing interest with this too - since it requires a spoon)

canned green beans

(yes, I know they contain sodium but I'm running out of options)

I feel like I'm feeding him the same thing every meal.

Which I know is impossible, but we're repeating a lot of stuff.

so seriously - any suggestions?

(and I promise I'll stop doing posts without pictures at some point)

It gets better... right?

2010-11-04T00:03:00.000-07:00

Today was just one of those days where you just question everything.

Charlie is doing really well with his transition.

... at least I THINK so ...

but I'm just starting to second guess everything.

he'll come to me

(but if I purposely hold out my arms to him - sometimes he won't)

he'll make eye contact with me

(but how much is he SUPPOSED to be? he doesn't stare at me for long periods)

he doesn't like the carrier anymore

(should I be 'forcing' him to? should I be carrying him in it every day? he just wants to walk)

and then there's Claire.

she's throwing fits quite a bit

she doesn't want to share

she tries to 'block' him from touching ... well, everything

... and I worry that she'll end up resenting him ...

... that she'll end up resenting me ...

... will our relationship ever be what is once was ...

... because I feel like that has totally changed ...

... and not for the better ....

and it just makes me tired. and kind of sad.

I know it's only one day

and it's only been two and half weeks

but it's still hard.

so any advice you have, I'd be more than happy to hear

(I seem to be asking for that a lot lately)

I changed my mind

2010-11-02T23:59:00.000-07:00

Today was the day that I was taking Claire to check out her new pre-school.

well. I changed my mind.

Last night I asked her if she wanted to go to pre-school,

and without missing a beat (or looking up) she replied with,

'No.'

I explained to her that it would be super fun,

she would learn new things,

play with kids

paint & do art

As soon as she heard the word 'art', she got really excited.

Now truthfully, I have no idea if they do art. I just said that because

I thought it might get her attention. I mean, I'm sure they do art sometimes

but probably not on an every day basis.

Or do they?

The schedule for this particular pre-school has her getting there at 9:30a

and then picking her up at 12 noon. This would require me to

wake her up early in the morning, and then get Charlie up early from his morning nap.

(which I'd rather not do at this point...)

So this morning I thought we'd do a test run and I woke her up...

... and for the next 45 minutes I had the biggest crabby apple in my home.

so I nixed the pre-school.

Instead I decided to take the kids to some 'educational' store

(which I guess sells educational toys and stuff - obviously I've never been there before)

thinking that I can get my own supplies to 'teach' Claire with.

By the way - this was my first trip with both kiddos - running solo.

and it was SO not fun.

Charlie hates the carrier now because he just wants to run around.

And since my kids cannot be trusted to 'play nice' while I'm not 12 inches away

I had to carry Charlie on my back.

Which resulted in him screaming the whole time.

(lovely. but I'm pretty good at ignoring it now)

Anyway, I walked through the aisles and found some good stuff.

So my new plan is while Charlie takes his morning nap,

Claire and I can have our own 'school time'. Which will consist

of REALLY basic stuff since I don't think I'm cut out to be a home school teacher

(I lack the skill set and the patience)

Here's a peek at what I got:

I'm guessing that these will be fun.

If anything, it'll keep us busy.

we started with the 'patterning match-ups' and she LOVED them.

I'm thinking tomorrow we're doing some of the 'printing' books.

Claire loves when I write out words with 'dotted' letters so she can trace them.

This will save me a BUNCH of time, and the best part - you write

with dry erase markers! So she can do them over and over and over again!

But before you even get a smidge of a fleeting thought

that I just might have my act together,

here's what the rest of my dinning room tabled looked like.

I know... I should get off the computer now.

2 Weeks

2010-11-02T00:02:00.000-07:00

It's been 2 weeks since Charlie has joined our family.

It's so weird. It feels like it was yesterday that I was walking through the gate in San Francisco being SO incredibly glad that I was on US soil and not trapped on the plane with a screaming child. But at the same time, I can't believe that Charlie has only been here for two weeks - he really feels like he's always been a part of our family.

We've seen a ton of progress with Charlie. He's responding more to 'Charlie' and I find myself calling out 'Min-hyeok-ah' less and less. (Which actually makes me a bit sad) I keep forgetting that he still doesn't understand the majority what what I say to him (if not all of what I say) and I decided that I'm going to start being more intentional in pointing things out to him. Like when I give him his bottle, make more of an emphasis of saying 'bottle' (and pointing) before he drinks it.

Tomorrow I'm going to take Claire to check out a Pre-school. I was going to put her in pre-school back in September, but since I wasn't sure when I would get 'the call' (and I had NO IDEA how long it would take ME to adjust) I decided last minute to pull her out. Also, according to Charlie's WBC's, it was going to cost me approximately $400 a month to pay for Charlie's ~~stinky~~ special formula, and come to find, he's actually drinking a fraction of that, so I guess Claire doesn't have to take one for the team anymore and we can afford to pay for her schooling (the joys of being the eldest sibling). I'm thinking that she'll enjoy having something fun for just her that she gets to do. But you never know... sometimes she's clingy when I least expect it.

So that's my update. Kinda boring. But that's just life these days.

Okay so maybe not boring... more like tiring.

and that's due to this little guy:

goes to show you can never under estimate the 6th percentile!

Our Two Dogs

2010-11-01T00:05:00.000-07:00

for Halloween we had two little pups in our family

Sometimes Claire will 'zone out'... this was definitely one of those times.

But make no mistake - this Poodle costume has been her pride & joy from the

moment she laid eyes on it in the store.

I think Charlie was a bit stunned from me shoving his head into the costume.

(it actually zips up the back - even up the back of the head)

but he didn't try to take it off - whew!

Claire was very serious about making sure we got a photo of the Poodle's Head

Trick-or-Treating can be tiresome

or maybe a bit boring...

but I did catch Charlie checking out the ladies that were walking by

Overall, I think Charlie enjoyed his first Halloween

and a big shout out to the house that gave out full sized candy bars

how did you know that Three Musketeers was one of my favorites?

Rainy Day Fun

2010-10-31T00:05:00.000-07:00

Today we had our first rainy day in quite a while.

(at least I think it's been awhile. my brain still isn't quite up to par)

It was supposed to rain yesterday when my parents came to visit.

They were coming to hang out with Claire since I thought she could use

a little 'fun time' sans the little brother.

One of the 'activities' they were going to do was take a walk in the rain.

And I think it was during that conversation with my Mom where I had

to admit that I've never done that with Claire.

I do not claim to be Mother of the Year.

In fact, I don't think I could even be nominated.

I let my kid...

... watch too much TV ...

... eat chips ...

... or McDonalds ...

... I'm not the finest cook ...

... don't like 'outdoorsy' stuff ...

... let her play with play-dough for the first time the other day ...

(because it was a gift)

... and I encourage 'independent play' ...

but before you call CPS

I do...

... let her wear whatever she wants when we're home ...

... have conversations with her while singing in an 'opera voice' ...

... paint her toe nails ...

... buy her frilly dresses that she can spin in ...

... write out words so she can trace them ...

... and let her sleep with me when she needs to ...

(even though I wasn't a fan of co-sleeping)

So to ease my guilt of the never 'walking in the rain' thing,

I decided that today was the day that was all going to change.

we got our boots

and our umbrella

we walked this way

and that way

and then I finally let her step into the 'gutter' where the water was

and she splished and splashed to her hearts content

she walked in the water while singing 'Tomorrow' from the movie 'Annie'

all and all, it was a fun activity and I probably should have done it sooner.

(although my umbrella had a hole in it and I was worried my camera was getting wet)

seeing that smile on my little girl's face brought a big smile to my face.

jammies

2010-10-30T00:05:00.000-07:00

I love jammies on babies.

There's just something so incredibly cute about how they fit those little bodies

and they have some of the cutest prints

they're easy to play in

especially when you're on the go

and they make my little cutie look even cuter

so thank you Target

you have one very satisfied Momma!

Sibling Rivalry

2010-10-29T00:20:00.000-07:00

I guess technically to have true sibling rivalry you need two participants.

at this point Charlie doesn't realize what's going on.

he's just going about doing his thing

(which is picking up every small thing on the floor and trying to eat it)

So how did this sweet girl

turn into this?

We've been trying to do little outings in between Charlie's nap times.

And since our mall partially burnt down, that left one other place.

It's called 'The Fountains' and true to it's name,

it has a big fountain at the center that comes

complete with a water show timed to music.

(I know, it's like our own mini Bellagio)

I brought my camera with the hopes of getting some good sibling shots

but the eldest sibling was just not havin' it.

Instead it was full me yelling things like...

Hey guys - Claire, Charlie - Look at Momma!

Yoo-Hoo - over here - HEY!!!

GENTLE! Do NOT knock him down!

STOP BLOCKING HIM!!!

He's allowed to walk around!

no words

{her eyes say it all}

But even though Claire is still working on being a super great big sister,

she still has her moments of kindness...

like when she tried to help Charlie eat breakfast all by herself.

Thinking about Korea

2010-10-28T00:05:00.000-07:00

You know, the other night I dreamed about Korea.

It wasn't about the country, but somehow I had three friends (who I didn't recognize)

and I was telling someone that they were Korean

(like it was super cool)

I know. Kinda weird.

So tonight I made a batch of jook

and ate it with one of my long stemmed Korean spoons

and decided to write out my thoughts on Korea.

(especially since that was my first time back since I left to be adopted)

First - I want to make it perfectly clear that what I write is purely my own opinion. To me, each Adoptee has their own point of view and I completely respect that. Life experiences shape your perspective, so I think it would be only natural for people to have differing feelings on the same subject. Anyway, that's all I really have to say about that, but just felt that it needed to be said.

and now, back to Korea.

Before I left on my trip, I had quite a few people ask me how I felt about going back. This was, in fact, the first time I would be stepping foot on the soil of my birth country since I left back in 1976. To be honest, I didn't give it much thought. I mean, of course I realized it was kind of a big deal, but in actuality it didn't feel like one.

Let me start off by saying that where I grew up - there were hardly any Asians. For reals. So I grew up used to being 'the only one', or 'standing out' so to speak. I never found it to be a bad thing, and never really thought about it. But if I went to San Francisco, or an airport where a group of tourists just landed - I would feel very uncomfortable.

After college when I worked in sales, one of my clients was Korean. I actually credit her for 'teaching' me about Korean food and some cultural stuff. It was a slow progression, but over the years since then, I became more interested in being 'Korean'. Once we started thinking about adopting from Korea, (which was almost 3 years ago) I actually became a bit more pro-active in my 'interest'.

And so that kind of brings us to my trip to Korea.

I have to say, I surprised myself as to how much I loved Seoul. In some ways it seems a bit premature to rave about a city that I only spent a few days in - and I never ventured farther than a 30 minute cab ride. There is still so much of that country to see. Which I will... in hopefully a couple of more years.

But regardless, I truly did love what I saw. And strangely enough, I felt really comfortable being around the largest group of Koreans ever! It was kind of like I got to be part of a secret club... except I didn't have full access because I still had the language barrier. Never before had I wished that I spoke Korean as I did while I was there. I found that I just wanted to be able to communicate - really communicate, like in Korean. And I wished that I knew all the cultural nuances that they already know - like when to bow, am I handing my money to them properly, do I turn to the side before I take my first drink.

And while I found myself falling in love with the motherland, there was something that became even more clear to me.

I am so glad that I am an American.

It's kind of hard to explain, and that's probably another reason why it's taken me so long to write about it - because it's hard to find the right words. I guess the best way to describe it, would be if you found out that your ethnic heritage included being {insert whatever you want here} and so you traveled back to that country to visit it. You discover all these 'cool' things that they do and you appreciate, and you definitely want to come back and visit... again and again. But at the end of the day, you love coming back home.

does that make sense?

Because I've learned so much about why women choose adoption in Korea, I have to say, it does contribute to my thankfulness that I was raised here, in the states. If I were to have stayed in Korea, I know that I would not have had the same opportunities that I have been given. Chance are, I could have been someone totally different from who I am today. And while I may never know the true story behind why I was abandoned at a train station, I have to say, I'm okay with it.

My life is actually really good. Far better than what I deserve and I truly am grateful. I have a super fabulous husband, two incredible kiddos, and a wonderful family - filled with fantastic parents, siblings, cousins, aunts & uncles. I can't complain.

But I do wish that I was able to tell my Birth Mom & my Foster Mom 'Thank You'. Thank you for giving me life and a great foundation to grow from. Thank you for making a decision that must have been hard, but ultimately was for my benefit. And whether it was on purpose or not, turned out to be a selfless act.

So I plan on going back.

This time we'll go as a family - all of us. We're thinking it'll be in about two and half years. Claire will be about six, and Charlie will be three and a half. Charlie's Foster Mom is 68, so I really want to be able to bring him back so she can see how well he's doing and how much he's grown. So hopefully in these next two plus years, I'll be able to learn a bit of Korean and build up my stamina for all the walking we'll be doing. I'll also be able to schedule an 'appointment' to review my adoption file. From what I understand there is the possibility that some of the information can differ from what my parents originally received. So maybe that will turn into a fun adventure... who knows...

What I do know, is that I'm glad I'm an adoptee

and I'm glad that I'm Korean

because my life has brought me to them

and that's a really good thing.

I love my Family

2010-10-26T23:08:00.000-07:00

I remember life before I had kids

(the good ol' days)

I'm KIDDING!

but seriously...

there was something nice about being able

to sleep whenever I wanted,

eat a meal non-rushed,

and feed my purse obsession...

but now I have these two in my life.

and when I see him smile

and take in the new 'world' around him

and call me Omma

it absolutely melts my heart.

And when I see my Big Girl

acting so grown up

and full of life

it makes me wonder where the last three and half years have gone.

I am so thankful that this is my family

and while we continue to grow closer to one another

I simply cannot imagine my life without them.

Thank you Auntie Me-Me & Uncle Andy

2010-10-26T09:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday when I got the mail there was a super fun package waiting.

It wasn't for me, but for Charlie & Claire.

Auntie Me-Me & Uncle Andy sent a bunch of goodies for the kids

but if I'm being honest, my favorite part was the

two pictures they sent for Charlie.

it says,

'Hi Charlie - I'm your Aunt Megan'

and this one says,

'Hi Charlie - I'm your Uncle Andy'

*I have to say, even though my brother and sister-in-law have

movie-star-good-looks, I think my son still prefers me. *

yeeesssssss!

Here's the Mariners shirt they sent for him

(he got it dirty within 2 seconds of putting it on...)

and of course they sent the 'Asian guy'

(which made me laugh & I secretly super love)

I wanted to get a photo of the kids together...

but it's not that simple I'm finding.

But a big THANK YOU to Andy & Meg.

I really appreciate how you included little things for Claire.

That was so incredibly thoughtful of you and she

just LOVES the new microphone!

(she's been singing songs into it non-stop)

On the 'transition' end, things are going pretty good.

Charlie is sleeping through the night

and taking a couple of naps during the day.

He loves to be outside and he's eating well.

we have his first appointment with the pediatric GI specialist tomorrow

and then Friday we have an appointment with a pediatric

cardiologist. Apparently his heart murmur is still there

so they want to follow up on it.

Claire's transition is slow in coming, but I'm thinking

that I might be seeing a smidge of improvement each day.

or maybe that's just wishful thinking

but I was able to capture this super cute photo the other night

so maybe not all hope is lost.

Getting to know Charlie

2010-10-22T23:41:00.000-07:00

We're coming up to Charlie being home for almost a week.

I can't believe that time has already gone by so quickly.

a week passing means I only have a week left with Bob being home

*sigh*

but I won't focus on that... for now.

things that I have 'learned' about Charlie since being home:

he prefers to walk

he can pop back up super fast if he falls down

he's willing to try almost any food

but will spit it out if he doesn't like it

likes to fall asleep in the sitting position

and will fold in half when he passes out

he really likes his sister

even though he's bitten her twice

he loves biter biscuits

has learned to clap

tries to do the motions for 'Itsy Bitsy Spider' when I sing it

smiles a lot

squats when he has to poop

has huge lungs

put everything in his mouth

mimics a ton

Getting to know Charlie is coming along.

I know it's going to take time before we really attach to each other

but I think I'm starting to see a little bit of progress each day.

Even though Claire is only three and a half,

I have to say, I totally forgot what it was like to have a one year old.

It's amazing how much of a 'baby' he still is.

Not that I actually had my act together before he came home,

but I see myself falling behind again...

forgetting to pack things in the diaper bag...

losing track of time...

you know ... the basics.

Alright. It's past my bedtime. This girl has got to get to bed.

Out and About

2010-10-21T23:57:00.000-07:00

So I figured it was about time that we got out of our cave

and out into the real world.

The plan was to head over to the mall

and hit up Babies R Us across the street.

but then I saw that our mall was on fire...

... and there was a possible hostage situation

nice

so instead we went to Target

and when we got home we hung out for a bit outside.

Claire rode her bike, and Charlie walked around.

It was actually pretty fun.

(notice the teeth in this one? he's going to cost us a bundle)

Claire had fun riding around but didn't want Charlie to touch her bike.

So when she started heading back our way,

I was curious to see what would happen.

Charlie was excited to see her coming

Eye Contact was made - but no smile was engaged

She's accessing the situation at hand

And makes a last minute swerve

Successfully passing her brother without a scratch

I know that one of these days these two will be best of buds.

(at least that's what I'm hoping)

Doing Better

2010-10-20T22:37:00.000-07:00

Last night wasn't that bad

(thank goodness)

Charlie didn't scream, but was more

restless and whimpered a lot.

It resulted in not the best night's sleep

but I'll take it.

I decided to try and switch up our sleeping arrangements as well.

Bob took down the crib and then the memory foam mattress pad I had

on the floor in the living room, was moved upstairs where the crib was.

I put pillows on the floor and made a cute little 'corner' for Charlie.

He got tired around 9:30p or so,

so we gave him a bottle and he didn't pass out

(like he normally does)

I decided to take him upstairs and see if he would go to sleep

on his own - but I'd be there right next to him.

I'll skip the play-by-play but he did it.

all by himself.

I'm headed up to bed as soon as I'm done with this post.

I'm hoping that I can get some sleep while I can,

as I have no idea what will happen with Charlie tonight.

I do want to say that I soooooooo appreciate all of the comments

that you guys have left on my last post.

It is so incredibly encouraging to hear your advice

and I'm so thankful that you're willing to give it.

so again,

THANK YOU!

Time is already going by quickly.

I can't believe that Thursday is already here.

A week will have passed before I know it.

Totally insane to think about.

I hope to be able to finish my Korea posts soon.

There's still a bit more in my brain that I'd

like to get down on 'paper' so I can remember what I'm thinking.

(my brain hasn't been working that great - so I better hurry)

But before I go, here's a photo of Charlie:

He loves to eat his food

and Me with my Girl

(this was before Charlie came home at a trip to the Zoo)

I'll start posting more photos of the kids - I promise.

(I mean, that's what people really want to see, right?)

But we're all looking a bit tore back from the floor back

so I can't risk anyone calling CPS

(this adoption ain't finalizing for 6 more months!)

Grieving

2010-10-20T00:05:00.000-07:00

From the moment I got Charlie, I would describe him as 'chill'.

He was so easy.

He would laugh, was easy to engage.

He'd look at me, play with me.

And going to sleep was a dream.

Absolutely no effort on my part - I couldn't believe it.

then there was that flight home...

... and I realized it wasn't going to be as 'perfect' as I thought it would.

The first night home we both slept for 12 hours.

Super easy. No problems.

... and then we had last night ...

Grieving is super rough.

it's hard to watch your child cry and not be able to console them.

to hear them call out 'umma, umma, umma'

(and know it's not directed at you)

breaks your heart.

it's like a necessary evil.

I know that he needs to grieve before he can attach

but it's still horrible nonetheless.

Maybe it was lack of sleep...

but I also grieved last night.

I grieved for Claire.

It's been really hard for her now that Charlie is here.

I feel guilty that I rocked her world so hard

(even though I know in the long run it's going to be a great thing for her)

I feel like the only attention I'm giving her is when

I'm reprimanding her.

and that's a horrible feeling.

It's tough because Claire is old enough to cognitively understand

that these are her things. And we are her parents

and this new guy is touching all of her toys

and taking up all our time.

It makes me sad to watch her.

When Bob picks up Charlie and lifts him

over his head and laughs

Claire will have a sadness in her eyes

and then ask

'Dad... can I have a turn?'

Last night Claire, Charlie and I were supposed to all sleep together

(I know, that sounds insane)

but with Charlie screaming, I headed down stairs to sleep

on the floor in the living room with him.

And that's when I started crying.

I knew that when Claire woke up that she would wonder where I was.

She's starting to 'remember' what I tell her

(like... if I tell her she can have a treat when we get home)

so I had Bob sleep with her, since I couldn't.

and of course, when she woke up

... she was sad ...

... and asked where I was ...

... because I told her I would sleep with her ...

*sigh*

it just makes me feel awful

so if anyone has any tips to get through this part

I'd really like to hear them.

The Inevitable... The Plane Ride Home

2010-10-18T23:20:00.000-07:00

People reference it. You hear about it.

but it's soooooo different to experience it.

I'm not sure if you can completely prepare for it before hand.

But I thought I'd share my experience anyways.

Maybe it'll help those who are getting ready to travel.

or maybe it won't.

I should start off by saying that before the plane even took off

(actually, before it was even landed from the previous flight)

I was tired. So, SO tired.

in fact, I think this needs to be said.

As soon as you get your referral:

start walking every day

I'm not even kidding.

Seoul is a major 'walking' city. Even if you take the subway

you're still gonna walk. And there are a ton of stairs.

Lugging around all your shopping bags is tiresome.

Lugging around your shopping bags AND your child is even more so.

So by the time I got to the airport for check-in, I was spent.

Check-in took 2 hours.

(be sure to book your lap ticket before you go to Seoul... I didn't)

All I wanted to do was get on the plane and SLEEP.

All Charlie wanted to do was get on the plane and NOT SLEEP.

The beginning of the flight wasn't too bad.

Playing with him & singing to him was all he needed.

But then it went down hill from there.

I wasn't able to eat dinner because he did NOT want ML to hold him.

and then the crying started.

I knew he was tired. It was past his nap time but he wouldn't sleep.

Not only did he not want to sleep, but didn't want to be held.

(that's a big problem)

I ended up walking to the back of the plane by the lavatory.

Pretty soon he started to calm down, and even fell asleep.

So I headed back to my seat, sat down, and closed my eyes.

then he woke up again and started screaming

So I head to the back of the plane again, and get him to fall asleep.

I come back, sit down, close my eyes...

and the process starts all over again.

I finally get smart enough to bring the carrier with me this time.

I put him in it and that makes him even angrier.

But I'm now lacking the strength to keep holding him in my arms.

Especially since he's starting to fight me.

I think it was around the 4th or 5th time I headed back to the lavatory

that I started crying.

I was soooo tired and I just wanted to be able to sit down

(I wasn't even thinking about sleeping at this point)

I think it was also around this time that Charlie went into psycho mode.

He didn't cry once when I had him the two previous days.

At lunch the day I got him he kind of whimpered/cried out a couple of times

but that was it. I had no idea that he had huge lungs.

He was angry - and that's when things got bad for me.

His screams were not only mad, but they seemed to be filled with rage.

He kept throwing his head back and kicking violently with his legs.

Nothing I was doing would calm him down - he kept getting louder.

And that is when I made the decision to stand in the lavatory.

I find it ironic how the place I was the most terrified of before the trip

became my refuge on the flight home.

I just stood in bathroom with my back leaning against the sink

and I just cried.

I cried hard.

I cried because I was miserable.

my feet hurt

my legs hurt

my back hurt

I was hungry

I was exhausted

I wanted my husband

I wanted him to stop.

I wanted him to be a 'perfect' baby

and I actually got mad at him.

In my brain, I was like,

what do you want me to do?

I can't do anything to make you stop

I can't put you down to crawl or walk

I can't help you fall asleep

so again...

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!

When I realized that's what I was feeling

I instantly felt guilty.

I had to remind myself what he was going through.

He didn't understand me.

He didn't even really know me.

While I was wanting my husband for comfort

I'm sure he wanted his Omma... which wasn't me.

I also thought of all the families before me who had it so much worse.

Those who had their child scream for the entire flight...

... or when they met for the first time

and I knew I was being a baby.

this was my turn.

I had to push through it.

and I had to do it alone.

So unwillingly, I did.

(since I actually didn't have a choice)

and every minute that passed was a minute that brought me closer to this:

so it was all worth it.

and I'd do again.

(but not any time soon... I'm still recovering from jet lag)